I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
