But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
