Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
