I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize