In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
