i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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