I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
