i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
