i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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