I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
