Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
