the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
