Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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