carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
