He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
