It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
