i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
