i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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