1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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