you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
