You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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