We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
