I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
