Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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