If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
