saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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