I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
