your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
