like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
