census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize