Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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