Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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