i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
