I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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