all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
