i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
