Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
