My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
