So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
