I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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