It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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