then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
