She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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