I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
