first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I died a long time ago.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
