i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
