So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
