sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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