Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
