Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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