He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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