kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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