I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
