u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
