don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
