Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
