are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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