Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
