Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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