I have demons in me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
