I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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