You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
