she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
