Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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