So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
