This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
