Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
