Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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