so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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