So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
