there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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