That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's blow job season.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
