apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
