he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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