oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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