my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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