I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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