Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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