Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
