your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
