Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
