his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
