I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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